Ever wondered why you keep repeating the same pattern or keep re-creating the same type of experience that you don’t want? You get out of one unhappy situation only to find yourself in another variation of it with different people.


Creating a new reality

To create a new reality and different circumstances in your life, you need to go beyond focusing on trying to change the elements in your external reality, i.e. how can I get my partner to change or how can I get a different job. Instead, you need to first look deeper at your emotional patterns, your beliefs, and your relationship dynamics, and understand what has been programmed from your early experiences and reinforced throughout your life.  In this way you can understand how your programming is contributing to your choices and how you are creating your reality.


Let’s take an example. Let’s look at the programming that may result from growing up with one or both of your parents having significant mental health problems, for which they did not receive help or were not able to resolve themselves. 

If this was your experience, your needs may have tended to go unnoticed and you may have learnt to become a caretaker for one or both of your parents to try to help them be ok.  This most likely resulted in you feeling anxious, emotionally overwhelmed and emotionally unsafe for 2 reasons. First, because your own emotional and psychological needs were not being met. Second, because you were trying to manage complex emotions and psychological problems that you were too young to cope with.

From this experience you may have developed a pattern of anxiety and an over-activated sympathetic nervous system (which is the fight-flight part of our nervous that is activated when we perceive a threat). You may have also developed a pattern of taking on too much responsibility for others’ emotional well-being and neglecting your own needs. Your ability to set healthy boundaries and be assertive may be impacted. You may have developed core beliefs like “My needs don’t matter” or “I’m unworthy of being loved and supported”. 

You can see that a whole set of underlying core beliefs, behavioural patterns, anxiety and other feelings of emotional trauma can result from this particular childhood experience. This gets encoded into your nervous system, body, mind and consciousness. The conditioning or programming from your childhood is different for everyone of course, however, it impacts how you feel about yourself and how you relate to the world. It impacts how you respond in relationships, the choices you make, your concept of what you believe is possible for yourself. In short, it impacts what you expect, attract and create in your life.

Radio analogy

Imagine that you are a radio – your conditioning or programming is like your aerial tuning into a particular “radio station”, or a particular set of life experiences.  If your programming is “my needs are neglected and I’m not worthy of love”, then you will tune into the radio station that has the frequency of relationships in which your needs are not met and you don’t feel valued.  You may choose relationships with people who tend to be more self-absorbed and self-centred or who are needing a lot of support. You may also tend not to voice your needs, be assertive or set boundaries. If you have this conditioning, even if you leave a particular relationship or work situation, you may find yourself in another variation of the same dynamic again, until you do the deeper work of changing your programming.

Changing your programming

This means changing your core beliefs and behavioural patterns and integrating unresolved emotional trauma from the past. Then you can see different possibilities for yourself, make different choices and attract new external realities that you did not previously know existed or which did not previously seem possible for you.

Jill is a specialist in empowering women to change their programming, including their core beliefs, patterns and unresolved trauma and emotions, so they can recreate their lives more in alignment with their authentic Self.  She combines her skills in coaching, psychology, energy and spiritual healing to facilitate deeper transformation. She is a qualified Clinical Psychologist, Coach and Energy/Spiritual Healer and has been on her own transformational journey for many years. 

For more information see my services.